Spanksgiving

After several weeks of mind numbing thoughtlessness - the usual work monotony and countless real-time Office Space moments,  I present you a new post...<insert ridiculous graphic here>

Lately I have noticed a rash of Facebook posts consisting of a countdown of sorts about what each user is thankful for.  Therefore, I decided to compile my own list of shit I'm thankful for in the spirit of being thankful.  There is actually a lot to be thankful for - these are the highlights of the day.  Grab a cocktail and enjoy.

Shit I am Thankful For....

• I am thankful that this is a three day work week and a five day weekend - see next item.  This downtime will enable me to spend time with family, friends, and furry babies.

• I am thankful for having six weeks of vacation despite the solid ten plus years I have spent whoring for the Man.  This is probably the one and only good thing I will say about my employment situation right now.

• I am thankful for music and its numerous vehicles - i.e. live shows, Pandora, SiriusXM, KDHX, and my iPod.  I am also thankful for my parents early push in the direction of music whether it be through listening or being forced into taking those damn piano lessons.  I ended up sticking with them for over a decade and don't regret any second of it.  Music has been and forever will be a constant in my life.  

• I am thankful for social anxiety.....wait - what?  No really....I am thankful for this son of a bitch disorder (if you will) because it forced me to force myself out of my protective comfort zone.  Over the past decade or so, I have learned how to fight back.  This has led to engaging in completely radical and sometimes crazy/stupid activities not to mention meeting new and amazing friends.  Yeah...fuck you, anxiety. 

• I am thankful for having a relatively small but supportive and loving family.  The small part comes in handy this time a year.....more food and liquor to go around.

• I am thankful for having such an amazing collection of friends that reside all over the place.  I am lucky to be surrounded by such a unique, diverse, and completely bat shit crazy group of amazing individuals.  I love you all.  I will give you a minute or two to complete the vomit process........done?  Good - now let's move on.

• I am thankful that my health and body have put up with all the abuse served up over the past thirty-six years.  I am able to still do all of the things I enjoy with minimal pain or discomfort.  I hope to be able to continue doing what I do for many years to come.  

• That being said - I am thankful for medications such as Advair and Singulair.  They help my abused lungs keep up especially during those heavy allergen moments.

• I am thankful for beer and whiskey.  They get us through the holidays and other trying times.  Do I need to say more?  I didn't think so.

• I am thankful for having two super cool human beings for parents, and I miss my dad each and every day.

• Last but not least - I am thankful for my wife because she puts up with an immense amount bullshit and shenanigans compliments of me.  I love you Stacey Ann.  Commence vomiting!

Have a safe and happy stuff yourself stupid while hanging out with family/friends day!

Whoa is me

Two measly weeks on the IR wagon, and I feel disconnected from the world.  I am a go! go! go! person who overloads the personal/social calendar with everything from athletics to drunken bicycle rides.  Sitting idle makes me bat shit crazy...

                                                       ....make that Gary Busey crazy.

Moving along - so everything 'active' is currently on hold until further notice, which gives me ample time to dream up weird shit to blog and rant about right?  Sure.  I'll get right on that.

Let's talk about social networking and all its glory.  It could be me, but I sense a decline in Facebooking or should I say intelligent rants and/or conversations.  Has all the nonsense - relentless game requests, ads, event requests, pokes, and the constant flow of memes and other random graphics - pushed users over the edge?  I honestly feel as though I could get poked more, but that's another story.

Facebook will celebrate its ninth year in the electronic world this coming February.  However, this year marks its first true year in the wonderful world of politics via the presidential election.  Jump in the way back machine with me as we travel back to 2008.  How many of you actually had a Facebook profile back then or even were aware such madness existed?  Don't fib - I know a good majority of you were loyal MySpacers. Internet users began to witness the first signs of a massive social networking exodus in late 2008.  Facebook, which once upon a time was more prominent amongst college students, began to spread its love to the masses.  In less than a year, the Facebook population virtually doubled and continued to grow exponentially as time pressed on.  Most of the folks I once met and socially networked with were shit canning their MySpace pages and migrating over to Facebook.  One by one the MySpace messages read - I am deleting this page and heading over to Facebookland.  It's been a gas, MySpace....or something to that effect anyhow.

And now for a moment of silence...

Zip back with me now to today - Sept. 2012 - the first official election year on Facebook.  We all know how annoying election years are.  Now we can add yet another media source to the barrage of smear campaigns via television, print, electronic, and radio.  Facebook takes it to a new level - personal smear campaigns via random and usually biased 'facts' associated with a terrible graphic.  I am not being biased here because it comes from ALL sides of the political spectrum.  I feel compelled to stay away from social networking as much as possible until December.  I'll get right on that.

Alright - alright enough graphics.  The sad thing is that I tend to lean towards Facebook to get my up-to-date news via the local media Facebook pages.  It's not necessarily a bad thing.  It's not always a good thing.  It just is.  What I don't miss is seeing all the smear campaign ads on television this time around.  There are some benefits to not having cable - besides the fact that it is cost efficient. The last Facebook census checked in around 900 million users.  That is a phenomenal amount of networking, folks.  However, there is a dark side - as always.  We or at least I see more of more people walking/driving/biking/whatever with their faces buried into their phones - oblivious to the world.  Good, old-fashioned conversations seem to be diminishing.  It seems like a bad habit we - yes, we - have fallen into as mobile and wireless technology continues to advance.  Here is one relatively easy and inexpensive suggestion - light a bonfire or a basic fire pit for that matter, buy cold, refreshing beverages, and invite friends to gather around the fire for some genuine face-to-face conversation.  Works like a charm.

Until next time...

MS 150 Ride - Sept. 9-10, 2012!

Loyal followers...this is my shameless plug for my participation in the 2012 MS 150 cycling event in Columbia, MO.  I will be riding alongside two champions in support of our mighty Team Saint Louis Cycling Captain, Diane and in support of the National MS Society's fight against MS.  I was very fortunate to be invited to ride with a spectacular organization and team and hope to reach and hopefully exceed my goal of $750 by next weekend.  I am a mere $120 away from reaching that goal.

Please reference the link below to access my personal donation page.  Donations are absolutely positively tax deductible and can easily be submitted online via debit/credit cards featuring the Visa, Mastercard, Discover, and American Express logos.  Please consider making a donation today.  If you are in or around the Columbia, MO area - please come out and cheer us and all the participants on.  We love cheerleaders!

Bike MS: Express Scripts Gateway Getaway Ride 2012 - Support My Ride!

Thank you to all that have donated!

Thievery Corporation

Bike thieving has been a hot topic lately so I thought I would add my two cents.  Bike thieves are the scum of the fucking earth.  Worse than politicians - worse than cockroaches.  They are the purest form of absolute scum. 

<==SCUM!

If you have ever had the unpleasant experience of coming home or back to the place where you left your sweet ride only to realize it has been stolen....well, I can empathize and relate.

It goes a little something like this:

You find yourself riding along on a beautiful day in search of some sweet gear from the magic shop at the local strip mall.  You park your awesome ride in a highly visible area at said mall.  You take the necessary precautions when locking up the bike - including a gigantic, excessively long chain complemented by an equally excessive padlock.  No one on earth can touch your precious bicycle with this much security right?

And then it happens....that sickening feeling you get when you come back to the spot where you parked your awesome ride and find that some scum of the earth asshole has stolen it.  You panic - freak out - demand that everyone drop everything and start searching for the bike thieving predator in hopes that in some way - you will get your bike back.

The last two weeks or so have resulted in two super happy fuzzy panda success stories - one local and one a far.  The local win happened because the owner effectively utilized social networking channels immediately following the incident.  The word spread and people on the streets were on the look out.  End result = bike was spotted, police were contacted, asshole on stolen bike was served, and the bike was returned to its rightful owner.

This dude gets his bike stolen and finds it listed for sale a few days later via Craigslist - Seattle.  He sets up a bogus meeting posed as an interested buyer.  Drives to meet the alleged thief  in Seattle armed with friends, cameras, and the Seattle PD.  Returns to Portland a happy panda with bike in tow.

Two happy endings in bicycle land.  Not bad.  I wasn't so lucky as we had two bikes nabbed from our garage last summer as we were literally moving from one house to the next.  The thief was eventually caught, but the stolen goods were long gone.

What can cyclists do to avert the stolen bike nightmare?
1.  ALWAYS lock your bike up - don't skimp on locks either.  Take some time to research efficient and relatively thief-proof locks before you grab some random piece of junk off the rack.  Some cyclists even use multiple lock combos for added security.
2.  When possible - bring your bike inside to lock up.  Some establishments are kind enough to allow this so take advantage.
3.  When locking up outside - be sure to lock your bike in a highly visible area with as much pedestrian traffic and lighting as possible.
4.  For Christmas sake - make sure you use your lock(s) efficiently.  Go here for an example step-by-step guide and illustration.  You paid good money for your locks - don't make it any easier on these assholes by not using them correctly.

That's it for this week's installment of crazy ramblings.....until next time.

Drugs Are Bad...Mmkay?

So rather than rant and rave on about the imperfections of life and the universe - I have decided to mix it up a bit and add random top whatever posts.  I may select five or ten of five hundred.  Don't pressure me.

Our first installment features:
Movies That Most Accurately Depict the Ups and Downs of Drug Use/Abuse
Yes, these precious gems remind us why drugs are indeed bad no matter how much you try and weigh out the good.  The bad always wins.  These films should replace all D.A.R.E, Just Say No, and PDFA propaganda because they portray a more accurate reality of what drug use/abuse consists of..for the most part.  Before I begin the list - let's review some of the anti-drug material we were forced to absorb as children with some added commentary.  Thank your friends at Partnership for a Drug Free America for these classics.

1.  Parents who use drugs have children who use drugs.  (1987)
It's marijuana for fooks sake.  He should be so proud that his pops showed him how to roll a proper joint.

2.  The Cost of Snorting!
- Is it just me or does anyone else find this to be hilarious?  Maybe I am an asshole.  What's with the tear at the end?

3.  Clint Eastwood Gonna Fuck You Up, Crackhead!
- If Clint Eastwood threatens - we listen.  Crack is whack, yo!

Pee Wee Agrees!
- Eh hem....little known fact.  Pee Wee went on to star in one of the best drug-related biopics alongside Johnny Depp.  Can you guess the film?

5.  This Is Your Breakfast!
- This anti-drug PSA is by far the best of the best.  I enjoyed it so much that I actually had a poster of the extended version (comical form) on my bedroom wall as a kid.  I'd like a side order of bacon with that.  Any questions?

Now for the films....sorted by the featured drug of choice.  Several of these films are based on actual events.  Many also include several others substances in the film but the ultimate downfall usually focused on one specific substance.  I intentionally left marijuana out because no one dies from marijuana 'abuse' even though it is the 'gateway drug', man.

1.  Trainspotting (Drug of choice:  Heroin)
2.  Basketball Diaries  (Drug of choice:  Heroin)
3.  Requiem For A Dream  (Drug of choice:  Heroin)
4.  Killing Zoe (Drug of choice:  Heroin)
5. Sid & Nancy (Drug of choice:  Heroin) 
6.  Blow (Drug of choice:  Cocaine)
7.  Boogie Nights (Drug of choice:  Cocaine)
8.  Scarface  (Drug of choice:  Cocaine)
9.  Traffic (Drug of choice:  Heroin, Cocaine, Crack)
10.  Less Than Zero (Drugs of choice:  Crack, Cocaine, Speed)
11. 24 Hour Party People (Drugs of choice:  MDMA, Cocaine, Heroin, Crack)
12. Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas  (Drug of choice:  EVERYTHING!)

OK so I snuck that last one in there for shits and giggles.  Hunter S. Thompson was a madman and a bit of a fiend but somehow never pushed his drug consumption to the point of prostitution, stealing, or death.

On that note - I leave you with this final reminder:

Social Networking and Other Randoms

Ever get a chronic case of the fuckits and feel as though it will never be cured? That, my friends, is the constant state of mind I have found myself in for the last month and some change.  My head feels a bit like...well, this fellow to my left.  Boom! 

Social networking...sometimes it's useful.  Most times - it seems like a pain in the ass.  Over the past several months, there has been an abundance of political banter and a disturbing increase in ridiculous meme posts.  I understand the desire to post the occasional funny pictures/memes, but there is no need for the rapid fire posts every single day.  It is all I see from some users.  Seeing Willy Wonka seventeen times with seventeen different cutesy sayings in one day....well, that is just a bit too much.  As far as politics and religion (and I am guilty here as well) - social networking sites are not the best place to discuss considering the audience demographics are all over the place.  Sure - everyone has the right to believe what they want to believe and by all means vote for whatever politician trips their wire, but I don't need to see all the negativity and bullshit day after day after mother loving day.  I am going to do my part and try to avoid discussing either topic from now until eternity.  I will be unbearably happy and grateful once that damn election is over too. Uncharacteristically happy perhaps!  OK - maybe I've gone to far with that last statement.

Elections bring out the absolute worst in adults, and I am extremely glad that I do not have cable so I do not have to see the barrage on smear campaign ads.  Don't get me wrong here, folks.  I will most certainly vote at all three levels - local, state, and federal.  I certainly have concerns about the upcoming election considering the level of stupidity involved with some individuals that unfortunately will also be voting.  We often seem to forget about the big picture and narrow in on whatever the topic of choice is or should I say whatever topic the candidates pull out of their ass to use as means of swaying votes - namely topics involving religion, abortion, and......that's right...equal rights.  I am sure as shit gay marriage will once again be a hot topic of debate on the upcoming panels.  It shouldn't be as it should be a non-issue - meaning shit can DOMA so we can move on - but it will.  Religious freedoms are on the state ballot this year - protecting the whole ability to pray to GOD - not Allah or any other religious figure but only GOD - in schools.  Well, what about the kids who worship and idolize the FSM?  If you can decode that acronym - you win a pony.  If you can't - well, that's what that super awesome research tool known as the Internet is for.

  

Mother should I run for President?

At any rate - all I can do is my part.  Vote and tell my rowdy band of hooligans to do the same.  No vote = no voice.....and GOD kills a unicorn...helpless, rainbow pooping unicorns.  Now let us bow our heads and enjoy some good ol' Cube.

Fire...Water....Burn

Well...apparently the ridiculous weather conditions are pooping all over the Fourth of July firework plans across the region.  That is unless you want to bear the pain and madness of enduring the masses as Fair St. Louis on the riverfront.  I am absolutely fine living without the 'bombs bursting in air' re-enactment.  In fact, I will be perfectly happy spending quality time at home with my wife, critters, and a case of ice, cold beer.  I am sure that we will be entertained - if you will - by the local assholes who feel the need to shoot fireworks off in residential areas for at least 48-72 hours straight.  It would probably be too much to ask that this year they use a bit more common sense and not burn the god damn city to the ground.  Let's not also forget to give a shout out to the good citizens who enjoy shooting their firearms into the air to celebrate our independence from Great Britain.  St. Louis....always keepin' it classy.

I have been posting a bit heavily on the political and religious front.  I intended on keeping that shit to a minimum.  However, both are serious media pigs and hard to ignore....especially during an election year.  I will do my best to refrain, my friends, but there are some instances where I feel the need to interject.  Last week - there was an exceptional amount of static with the anti-gay boycotts and health care plan.  Forgive me for spouting off my opinions - I shall keep all religious and political ranting to an absolute minimum!

'Tis July and 'tis very hot outside.  However, the rising temps and dry climate will not stop me and the rest of my crazy bike riding hooligans peers from owning the streets.  Tonight - I FINALLY get to roll with the craziest of crazies - the Fucking Bicycle Club.  The ride kicks off at 11PM tonight if anyone cares to join - Turtle Park.  Keep your women and children off the streets if you know what's best for them!

Short on time - so I shall leave you with a lil' tune from my boys in the Bloodhound Gang.  Stay safe and don't be the jackass that catches the neighborhood on fire via illegal fireworks in residential neighborhoods.

Gay Cookies and Health Care

Pardon my language....but what a fucking week?!?  People are losing their shit every which way we look and over the silliest things - such as the big, gay Oreo published earlier this week via Nabisco. 

Get your milk, kids....

This colorful stack of unhealthy delight made headline news when the image and explanation was posted on Oreo's Facebook page earlier this week.  Oreo posted the image in recognition of Pride Month and to show support for LGBT folks...like me.  We have an agenda, you know.  Shortly after the image was posted - Facebookers and other LGBT haters lost their ever-loving minds.  There was an arsenal of threatening posts towards the LGBT community, Nabisco, and Kraft (who basically owns Nabisco). 

Those who were enraged but such an image (a fucking cookie!) posted some pretty ridiculous and hateful comments via Oreo's Facebook page.  Buzzfeed captured some of the madness - go here to read it for yourself.  Ah....comparing being gay/lesbian/trans/bi to bestiality, pedophilia, and other deviant sexual behaviour....it just never gets old!  Homosexuality should be a crime - they say.  I beg to differ - being a completely unintelligent, backwoods bigot should be illegal.  As far as their petty threats of boycotting a cookie?  Well, I don't think they know the extent of such a boycott.  You see - Kraft owns A LOT of the shit you buy from the grocery store.  It ain't just Oreos, honey buns.  I happen to work for this particular corporation....I will rarely if ever again mention this little factoid.  However, I will say that they (Kraft) have been rather supportive when it comes to LGBT employees.   Enough on the big, gay cookie.

Ah...Obamacare or whatever you prefer to call it.  If the Oreo shit storm wasn't enough, I give you the Affordable Care Act.  That's the full version.  Let me bullet point some of the highlights and save the lengthy version for a little bedtime reading.
 
- Have a government run “public” health insurance option to provide low-cost, affordable health insurance for everybody, spur competition.

- Cover all Americans with affordable health insurance by requiring employers to provide health insurance to their employees. Mandating all children have health insurance
- Allow workers to keep their employer-provided health insurance if they lose their job

- This is a big one:  Outlaw the practice of insurance companies rejecting people because of pre-existing health conditions. And make insurance premiums the same for everybody regardless of health status.

Those are the key bullet points (in my opinion), but there is so much more to this act.  Individuals who currently do not have insurance OR are not provided with any health insurance options via their employer are forced to either pay extremely high costs associated with health care - including pharmaceutical prescriptions  - or do without.  Insurance and pharmaceutical corporations are getting richer and richer by taking advantage of their customers and the uninsured in a multitude of ways.

I have been fortunate enough to have health insurance through my employer but can very much empathize with those who do not have any health insurance whatsoever.  I have seen the out-of-pocket costs for some of the maintenance medication I take.  It is costly with insurance.  Prior to having any medical coverage, I frequently opted to skip the doctor in an attempt to ride it out solely because of cost.  The same applies for any potential emergency room visits.  An ambulance ride might sound entertaining until you receive the final bill.

Those opposed to the plan have proceeded to 'scare' the uneducated, uninformed, and somewhat unintelligent through their usual scare tactics, which has led to the ongoing accusation that Obama supports socialism, communism, and every other ism they pulled from Wikipedia.  They claim that universal health care will run this nation into the ground by increasing the national debt.  The rich will be subjected to higher taxes <gasp!> oh no!  It will lead to socialism and anarchy!  Hundreds (including that sorry excuse for a human being pig -  Rush Limbaugh) proclaimed that they would flee to Canada if such a plan passed...... 

Canada - a country where universal health care has been in place since the 1960s AND same-sex marriage was legalized in 2005 - two things that really piss off the radical right-wing Conservatives.  This is a humorous claim at best.  I realize the challenges associated with digging through the heaping pile of biased bullshit in order to get to the facts - both sides are to blame here. It comes down to this, folks.  The Universal Declaration of Human Rights states that all human beings should have the right to the basics - life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  However without health - these goals are unattainable.  

Here is the snippet from the Universal Declaration of Human Rights via the UN page:

Article 25 (1) of this declaration states: “Everyone has the right to a standard of living adequate for the health and well-being of himself and of his family, including food, clothing, housing and medical care and necessary social services, and the right to security in the event of unemployment, sickness, disability, widowhood, old age or other lack of livelihood in circumstances beyond his control.”

Yes - people do have some responsibility when it comes to maintaining good health.  However, there are many, many instances where the conditions are beyond the control of the individual.  This is where the affordable part comes in.  SHOULD an individual who has no medical coverage fall ill or become injured - they should have the RIGHT to affordable health care.  That is the bottom line.  True - it is our responsibility to take care of ourselves by not eating fast-food and other horrific foods every day, exercising regularly, and avoiding the usual vices such as drugs and alcohol.  Is it realistic to believe every single individual can or will adhere to these guidelines?  Fuck no.  The responsibility to provide affordable health care....well, that challenge falls upon the government and heath care providers AND should be free of any judgment.  That is all...  

Be You!

Ah....June - the official month of all things LGBT.  The amazing folks at Pride St. Louis have been busting their ass to once again present the community with a fantastic, fun-filled weekend chocked full of amazing performers and emcees.  The festivities kick off at 11am on Saturday, June 23rd at Tower Grove Park in St. Louis.  The fabulously sexy Lola Van Ella and Sammich the Tramp will be your hosts on Saturday.  The dynamic bust-gusting duo of Dieta Pepsi and Trish Busch will be your emcees on Sunday.

Here is a little teaser as far as the entertainment PrideSTL has lined up for you on the Bud Light Main Stage. 

Saturday - June 23

Anti-Gravity - Ricky Phoenix - Summer Osborne - Selena Luna - Lola Van Ella - Margaret Cho

Sunday - June 24

Jammie Qualls - MCC Choir - Frenchie Davis - Pandora Boxx - Kristine W - Deborah Cox

Team Saint Louis teamed up with Pride St. Louis and established Athlete's Village, which has several athletic events scheduled throughout the weekend.  The activities including a volleyball tourney, rugby and soccer scrimmages, rock climbing, and the annual Pride 5K Run/Walk via St. Louis Frontrunners on Sunday morning.  Be sure to check out the Athlete's Village section  on the PrideSTL website for a full schedule. 

I am always engaged with one activity or another during Pride weekend.  Saturday - you can find me with my amazing wife at the Team Saint Louis booth slinging those delicious and refreshing cocktails from 1 - 3PM.  Saturday night is the annual ULTRA White Party at Erney's 32° in the Grove - yes, I will be there wearing my one white outfit for the year.  Sunday is the annual Pride Parade, and I have the distinct honor of riding with the fabulous group from the Handle Bar located in the Grove across from my other favorite bar - Just John's. 

Here is your ten minute history lesson today, kids. 
Why we celebrate LGBT pride in the month of June?
Here's a hint:

Hop in the way back machine and travel with me back to the evening of June 28, 1969 - Stonewall Inn - Christopher Street - New York City.  Back in the day, it was common for patrons of known gay establishments to be the victims of police harassment.  This was ongoing because of the laws in place at the time which forbid any homosexual behavior in public and private businesses - namely and more specifically - gay bars.

On the evening of June 28th, 1969 - the patrons of the Stonewall Inn said no more to such harassment and fought back.  A riot quickly ensued as the patrons began to hurl objects back at police officers outside of the bar.  News about the riot quickly spread throughout the city as more gay men and women flocked to Stonewall to join in the fight.  Police were dispatched to diffuse the situation and began beating...yes, you read correctly - beating individuals in the crowd.  The next evening - the crowd returned with even greater numbers and more pissed off than ever .  They continued to protest and riot outside the Stonewall Inn until the riot mob squad came in to disperse the crowd.  The protests and demonstrations continued on for several days.  Shit got serious, folks.

This moment in LGBT history became known as the Stonewall Riots and so began the gay liberation movement, which has since then evolved into a global celebration of LGBT pride.  In June 2000, Bill Clinton - of all people - declared the month of June as Gay & Lesbian Pride Month.  Yes, the same Bill Clinton that initiated the whole DADT (Don't Ask, Don't Tell) thing.  We sure use our share of acronyms don't we?  So there you have it... this, my friends, is why we celebrate who we are in the month of June.  PrideSTL did an excellent job in capturing this through their Be You theme and campaign, and I greatly thank the folks at PrideSTL for the use of their 2012 Pridefest logo.  For more information on Pridefest 2012 including a full schedule of all events - visit the PrideSTL online.

On that note - I give you a great track by The Electric Six.  This track was featured in the documentary Small Town Gay Bar.  Check it out - great documentary. 

See you at Pridefest 2012! 



And So It Ends...

The hammer of law enforcement came down swift and hard on Camp Zoe and its renowned owner, Jimmy Tebeau, yesterday morning in a Missouri courtroom.  Jimmy pleaded guilty to one felony count of maintaining a drug-involved premises according to the attached article courtesy of KTVS out of Shannon County, where Camp Zoe is located.  According to the current plea agreement, Jimmy agreed to forfeit the land associated with Camp Zoe - a whopping three hundred and fifty-plus acres - in addition to serving two and half years in prison.  In a nutshell - the feds are basically nailing Jimmy for the old 'crackhouse' law that became infamous a few years back with rave promoters and so forth.  Although Jimmy claims he had nothing to do with the actual sales and distribution of illegal substances on his property - he is unfortunately still liable and responsible in the end or so the law states. 

The trouble at Zoe pre-dates back to August 2006 when Missouri Highway Patrol arrested two patrons who were allegedly distributing mushrooms for financial gain at one of the events.  Since that time - and perhaps unbeknownst to Jimmy and those who worked for him at Camp Zoe - the campground and its many festivals were on a radar they certainly did not want to be on - one monitored and managed one federal government agency know as duh duh duh...the DEA.  Over the course of the next four years - agents were secretly investigating the distribution and sales of illegal substances in an undercover manor.  These undercover agents managed to conduct numerous sales with distributors who were selling everything from moonshine liquor to cocaine.  The article notes that the estimated cash flow to these distributors averaged roughly half a million dollars per event.  That kind of cash flow, my friends, will not only get the attention of the DEA - but will also send up red flags for the IRS if the financial truths of these events become known.  That they did.  

On November 1st, 2010 - Camp Zoe was hit hard and raided by federal agents as the annual Spookstock event for that year came to a close.  Patrons were still on the premises - some barely awake after the weekend festivities.  No individual arrests were made with exception to involving a patron with existing warrants, but they certainly had the shit scared out of them.  This date will now be known as a sad day in history for Camp Zoe and Schwagstock.  Spookstock 2010 was the last festival to be held at Camp Zoe under Jimmy's reign. 


A long running series of music festival madness and life altering experiences has certainly ended.  Regardless of abundance of certain illegal substances - the ultimate premise was sharing good vibes and times with friends and in some instances total strangers.  Schwagstock was a strange phenomenon if you will.  It was means of escapism for many who have succumbed to the monotony of everyday life.  Getting away for a weekend in more ways the one became an annual event for the majority of those who attended the many Schwag events that date as far back as the late nineties.   Jimmy and his crew have moved from campground to campground since the birth of Schwagstock - Lesterville, Leasburg, Bagnell Dam -  finally settling in at Camp Zoe in 2004. Jimmy (with a little help from his friends) was able to purchase the land associated with Zoe and set up residency for himself and all future Schwag-related events.  Little did he/they know but this ownership would seal the fate of Schwagstock a few short years down the road.

That being said - the majority of those who are aware of and attended these festivals knew that the probability of this happening was relatively high given the circumstances.  Attendance numbers grew exponentially over the course of time - well into the thousands.  It outgrew the majority of the original campsites prior to Zoe, which is more than likely the reason why Jimmy and company decided upon Zoe as a permanent residency for such events.  The numbers went from two-thousand to nearly quadruple that amount over the past five to ten years.  The more it grew - the more attention it received....and in return the behavior and activity occurring at such events became more notorious.  Stories of rape and overdoses began to surface - most of which were either highly exaggerated or downright false.  At some point - roadblocks - compliments of the Missouri Highway Patrol - became a constant factor when going to and from the festivals - a sure sign that Schwag was officially on the radar of state and local law enforcement. 

In some ways - those of us inside the boundaries of the campground felt safe and secure from law enforcement and the everyday evils of the world.  Realistically - it was the exact opposite.  They - undercover agents - were there the entire time - lurking and gathering evidence.  In some ways - it is a bit creepy to contemplate.  Ultimately - maybe somewhere deep in the hearts of many of us....it was known that the end had to be near.  The influx of traffic - groves of people wearing tye dyed clothing - the smell of patchouli and dank...well, you get my point.  When multiplying such elements by the thousands - it is bound to attract the wrong attention.  Perhaps it came down to one too many festival goers fucking up - getting arrested and dishing out details about Jimmy and/or Zoe events in exchange plea bargains.  The only certainty is that this fantasy land was bound to end.  It was simply a matter of time.   

Ah...the infamous porta-potties!


I am - by no means whatsoever - here to slander Jimmy, the Schwag, the festival, or even those involved with death of Camp Zoe and Schwagstock.  It was one incredibly amazing ride, but we all knew it eventually had to end.  In the end - everything does.  Nothing can last forever nor should it.  Moments and events end for a reason - primarily so new ones can be created and begin.  Surprisingly - I remember virtually every amazing moment I ever experienced at the events I attended over the years.  It often reminded me of a time warp back to the sixties or at least what I envisioned the sixties to be like - minus the weird raver kids and modern technology. 

I was able to share these experiences with good friends and those strangers that wander from campsite to campsite sharing stories amongst other things.  I fondly remember my first Schwag and most certainly my last up until the very moment where the sun came up on the final day.  I wish Jimmy the best and hope he is able to carry on and move past all the negativity associated with the allegations and pending sentencing.  Schwagstock definitely had its moment in the limelight, and it will forever be remembered by all of us who were fortunate to experience it at its best.  Rest in peace and thank you for the beautiful memories!

"What a long, strange trip its been."

 

Camp Zoe owner pleaded guilty to federal drug charges - KFVS12 News & Weather Cape Girardeau, Carbondale, Poplar Bluff

L'art de l'effeuillage burlesque

This Thursday kicks off one of the most entertaining series of events ever to be held in the St. Louis area. 

What is it you ask? 

      ...a three-day festival of madness, erotica, art, dancing, singing, shenanigans, fire, mayhem, magic, and glitter.....lots and lots of glitter. 

Here is the skinny.

Thursday, May 17th - 8PM

The opening gala commences at the Coliseum - this is a brand spanking new aka virgin venue as we liked to refer to it in the rave days.  There are an arsenal of amazing performers just gushing with talent who will do everything in their power to amaze, dazzle, and excite you.  The hosts of this event include none other than Clownvis Presley, Nadine Dubois, and Lucky Deluxe.  The individual line-up is simply chocked full of talent and sexual beings.  Here is a lil' teaser list for you to gnaw on.....Bazuka Joe, BiBi Dazzle, Dewy DeCimalle, the fabulous Hoochie Coochie Girls, Horchata Dentata....and so much for.  Click here to see the full line-up and event details-----> Show-Me Burlesque Opening Gala - May 17th

Friday, May 18th - 11PM
Night two of sex, music, dancing, and magic continues at the Sheldon Concert Hall.  Nadine Dubois will once again cater to all your hostess needs.  Night two features another onslaught of uber sexy and amazing performances from the likes of (teaser alert!)...Jeez Loueez...w snap!, Katrina Dohl....we had amazing ear sex last weekend - call me, KD xoxox, The Bon-Bons, Ray effing Gunn, and none other than that sexy and dynamic duo....Lola Van Ella and Sammich the Tramp.  Friday night = twofer!  That's right....in addition to the Show-Me Spectacular....there is a second round of magic and mayhem entitled Red Light District Revue....hosted by Mistress Victoria DeVille.  Folks...you may need a wet nap after this double dose of sexual euphoria.  For the complete event line-up, details, annnnd ticket information....click here ------>  Show-Me Spectacular

Saturday, May 19th - 8:30PM
Is there any other way to conclude a three-day, non-stop, sexy time soirée than this - THE Beggar's Carnivale and Carnivalesque?  I think not!  The incomparable and mind-blowing Beggar's Carnivale is the final event of this year's Show-Me Burlesque festival.  I assure that you will not want to miss this event.  This event has been known to cause euphoric hangovers and delusions of grandeur...if you will.  Go ahead and cancel all your Sunday church plans.  A full day of recuperation will be necessary.  There is so much magic jammed into this line-up....I can barely contain myself.  Lola Van Ella, Sammich the Tramp, The Knock-a-bouts, Bon-Bons, Hoochie Coochie Girls, Too-Me, Indie Lou, Venus in Flames, Peter Peculiar, Ray Gunn....sweet Christmas I need a cigarette, and that ain't even the half of it!  My all-time favorite local band....The Royal We will also be performing.  Click here for the full Monty----->The Beggar's Carnival & Carnivalesque - May 19th

Tickets for all Show-Me Burlesque events are on sale now and can be purchased at one of the following links INCLUDING the more bang for your buck VIP package, which grants ticket holders admission not one....not two, but all Show-Me Burlesque events...that's right, folks.  Get your tickets now, and go ahead and take the next week off....you're gonna need it after this week/weekend long sexcapade.  For information on general ticket sales for all events including the VIP package - click on the link below.
Show-Me Burlesque Tix!

I hope to see you all at one or more of these amazing events. 

It truly will be F'ing...

For more information on Show-Me Burlesque, the fabulous Lola Van Ella & Van Ella Productions as well as the amazing Beggar's Carnivale.....click on the links below.  Be sure to check out the various classes held at Van Ella Studios to see what tickles your tassels.  It's a great way to incorporate social fun time and exercise in one delicious time slot!

Show-Me Burlesque
Van Ella Productions

The Beggar's Carnivale

Because of you, North Carolina...I Vent.

There are two things I refuse to argue about in public forums but tend to raise my blood temperature and pressure like none other.  I make a valiant attempt to steer clear of the majority of discussions that involve one or the other...and in worst case scenarios -both.  I especially avoid conversing about these things when dealing with an individual who is completely oblivious to reality and takes their Christian bullshit to an extremist level.  This is usually this case when these so-called people of faith taking that silly Bible book  - THE ultimate book of stories & fables - and using it to dictate how WE - humans - should live.  No science....just bullshit.

Example:  The Bible implies in Genesis 9:13 that no rainbows appeared in the sky before the flood of Noah.  Rainbows have actually been around as long as the sun and rain.  The color spectrum is essentially a product of the dispersed light....and the LGBT community.  Haaayyy!

Nevermind the fact that this book was written completely by men and ultimately FOR men.  That is the equivalence of teaching history today out of a textbook from the 1800s. 

Obviously, there has been some progression in the interim.  Otherwise, women and others deemed sub-human at the time would still be fighting for their right to live, work, marry, and be happy.  That is what humans do - evolve and progress.  I try so very hard to respect Christians and/or those who believe in other relatively if not completely oppressive religions to an extent, but the discriminatory and bigoted dialogue is as stale as the bread they break for communion.  Some of these Christians commonly pick and choose the passages from the alleged doctrine of life(aka the Bible) and have no qualms about it. 

Example(s):  "If a man lies with a woman during her sickness and uncovers her nakedness, he has discovered her flow, and she has uncovered the flow of her blood. Both of them shall be cut off from her people." (Leviticus 20:18)  - Fairly confident that this occurs on a regular basis without any punishment rendered.

"Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. You may also buy some of the temporary residents living among you and members of their clans born in your country, and they will become your property." (Leviticus 25:44-45)  - Fairly confident that this will not fly in today's society - at least in the majority of the world.

"...do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear material woven of two kinds of material." (Leviticus 19:19) - Ladies...check those tags!  You could indeed be a SINNER!

"I permit no woman to teach or have authority over men; she is to keep silent." Timothy 2:11
- Yeah right...say this to the wrong female and see what happens.

"He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord."(Deuteronomy 23:1)  - I feel as though this is a bit discriminatory against individuals with testicular issues....not to mention John Bobbitt.

By the way - if you haven't already watch Bill Maher's fantastic documentary entitled Religulous....you really, really should.  He does a far better job at pointing out the holes in the religious fabric so-to-speak.  Here's a snippet for your viewing enjoyment....

Bottom line... I strongly believe that religion - more than any other factor - divides us as humans around the globe - specifically religions that involve oppression and fear - whether it involves God or some other deity.  The use of a specific moral code and eternal damnation as punishment for breaking such a code obviously is enough to brainwash the masses.  I cannot for the life of me get my head around this.....nor can Bill Maher and millions of other inquisitive, intelligent humans.  I was raised under the Christian faith and can assure you that as I grew wiser - many red flags began to rise.  Religion and politics have no place interacting with each other nor should basic human rights ever be voted on by the general public or anyone for that matter.  Be religious and believe in whatever trips your wire all you like, but do not use it as catalyst for oppression and discrimination.  North Carolina mother fuckers....I am talking directly to YOU!

 I shall end my rant - if you will - with an appropriate and albeit simple-minded Dead Kennedys song. 

Ride yo bikes!

This is a very exciting week for cyclists and art lovers.  In fact, I would almost call this weekend a cyclists wet dream.  Neighborhoods to be at this weekend.....the Grove, Dutchtown, and the U-City Loop. 

We kick off this fantastic multi-wheeled adventure with ArtCrank on Friday, May 11th.  ArtCrank is a delightful event that runs May 11th - May 13th at the Atomic Cowboy and features fantastic posters created from scratch by several local artists.  This event kicks off at 5PM on Friday.  Bring your cash and support these amazing artists!  For more information on ArCrank St. Louis - go here!

The MoPro Professional Cycling Series also kicks off Friday night with the Loop de Loop Grand Prix located in none other than the Loop in University City. The second round of madness continues on Saturday in the Grove.  Tour de Grove will consist of an AM 5K run followed by several cycling events throughout the morning, afternoon, and evening.  Last but no least -the Dutchtown Classic wraps up the MoPro madness on Sunday, May 13th.  There will be a series of cycling events through the morning and afternoon, and the event will conclude with an aware ceremony and celebration Sunday evening.  For more information on Tour De Grove and the MoPro series, go here!

Since it is National Bike Month....ALL MONTH LONG....there are an arsenal of events and happenings going on in the STL and Metro East area.  This Sunday, May 13th, drag your mom out and celebrate Mother's Day with a delightful five mile ride around the South Grand/Tower Grove Park area.  The cost is $8 per ride, BUT all Mom's ride for free!  Insert inappropriate mom jokes <here>. 

May 16th is the Ride of Silence and definitely one of the events that all cyclists should consider participating in.  This ride is in honor of cyclists that have been killer and injured in addition to raising awareness on cyclist safety, sharing the road, and so forth.  It kicks off at the Missouri History Museum at 5:30PM with a brief ceremony followed by a ride, which kicks off around 6:45PM.  If you are in the Metro East or St. Charles, MO area - there are routes in those areas as well.  For more on the annual Ride of Silence...click here! 

Don't forget - May 18th is National Bike to Work Day....save some gas, work off that beer gut, and pedal that ass to work.  No excuses...slackers.

For more information about cycling events, map routes, forums, and everything else you and your two-wheeled friend can do together.  These are great resources for cyclists in or around the STL area.  Stay informed and engaged! 

Trailnet
Bike STL
SpokedSTL
Handlebar

Bike n' Brew Crawlers...Friday...we ride!

Until next time....

Tour de Cure

Hello again - people of the electronic world!  This is a post where I kindly inform you of an upcoming cycling event in hopes of receiving monetary donations to support a very important cause.  The event is called Tour de Cure.  In a nutshell, Tour de Cure is a annual cycling event to help the American Diabetes Association (ADA) in the fight against diabetes.   I will riding the old girl - my bike, not Stacey - on June 2nd in support of the ADA and Stacey's fight against diabetes.  This will be my first event, and I am pretty stoked to be able to participate in such a fantastic event. 

My wife, Stacey, was diagnosed with Type II diabetes just over a year ago.  In that time, we both have been educated on this disease.  She evolved into the household expert.  I am more like a bra and provide the necessary support.  However, she will probably tell you that my bra-like qualities often resemble those of a drill instructor.  As some of you are well aware, we like to eat, drink, and be merry.  This ignorant disease pooped all over that parade.  Not that we overindulge all the time, but shit happens....like ordering a case of Oreo cookies and eating the majority of them within a week.  Wait...that was me...piggy!  Enough about that.  She has made great strides over the past year, and I am extremely proud of her. 

May 18th is National Bike to Work Day, and I intend to do just that partially in honor of the day but also as a training event.  I need to prep my ass for the thirty mile non-stop madness that I am about to endure in June.  Yes, I will be completely dressed like a cycling dork with ass pads, a snug/smug jersey, and my biking version of sassy socks.  I welcome you all to come out and witness this visual nightmare.  Please bring whiskey.  It helps to numb the sit bones...and your eyes. 

This is the part in this post where I beg my viewers once more for money.  Click on the link above that you assumed would lead you to an informative page but instead took you directly to my donation page.  Yes, I tricked you a little there.  Consider giving up some of that cash you usually spend at Larry Flynt's or other east side establishments and help me reach my goal.  We greatly appreciate it!

And now...naked girls on bikes compliments of one of my all-time favorite bands.

Hi.

My name is Diddy. Some call me Diddy - some call me Al - some call me Al Diddy.  Some call me Jackass from time to time.  Obviously, Diddy is not my given name, but everyone needs a lil' alias or ten from time to time.  This is basically a test page, which may explain the rants and rambling ons occurring this very moment.

Pause for a mug shot... annnd... BOOM!

Study it well.  It could very well be the one and only mugshot I share with you.  I like my anonymity.  I also enjoy writing and have been told numerous times that I write well - mostly by instructors and professors from elementary school through college.  I am generally the type that cuts themselves short, but I will go with the majority on this one since these individuals are credible.  Writing as a profession has occurred to me but nothing more than a fleeting thought. 

I actually launched my initial page back in February 2005, which seems like ages ago considering the immense (and intense) amount of changes I have experienced since then.  I also did a relaunch in April 2008.  Basically - I am fiercely ADD (and slightly OCD) when it comes to writing and managing journal-esque items.  If I were to share my journal entries in chronological order, it would provide further evidence of this fact.  I skip, jump, and frolic across days, months, and in rare cases even years.  I suspect the biggest roadblock consists of availability and the ability to focus (see ADD comment above).  I am a bit of a perfectionist and simply do not have the time necessary to create what my mind considers the 'perfect' piece.  This is a fact of life and how my brain functions.  I deal with my imperfections one day at a time.

I have actually been working hard to get this off the ground, which includes building the actual page (not an easy task when choosing from fifty different themes, fonts, and gadgets - again see ADD comment above).  In the process, I have also been feverishly working to clean up my arsenal of graphic madness across memory sticks and online storage.  I will not inundate you or the kind servers at Blogger.com with a barrage of animated graphics or images although I have some seriously funny shit stashed away in my archives.  I shall give you a brief taste...

Here is a completely irrelevant graphic!

The next arduous task involves determining what on earth to blather on about.  In the past, I frequently discussed music, politics, sports, LGBT events/issues, and a random assortment of bullshit.  Since then, I began to care less about such things to an extent.  I don't follow music nearly as much as I used to, and the same can be said about sports.  Politics and religion are two topics that I no longer waste too much time feuding over or stewing about considering the IQ levels of the opposition.  I am at the point in life where there are more important things to worry about.  I watch zero network television and get my daily media intake from Pandora, Netflix, SiriusXM, and random Facebook updates.  I enjoy writing reviews on Yelp, riding my bike, drinking beer, laughing with friends, and most importantly spending time with my wife and two fuzzy kids - a cat and one crazy ferret.  These are the things that bring me great joy in life.

At any rate - the content of this page will more than likely consist of some form of ADD as you probably have already figured out.  I would apologize in advance, but ultimately it is my page to do whatever I choose with.  However, I hope to at least do some form of entertaining and perhaps even informing the masses.  That being said - I hope to at least give you a warm, fuzzy feeling or even an occasional chuckle from time to time.  I am also a fan of feedback because without it...well, how on earth would we ever learn from mistakes and/or make improvements?  Oh...the adult content warning you will experience when attempting to view this page is primarily due to the fact that I cuss like a truck driving sailor - fucking aaarrgh!  I love my favorite four-letter words.  I do sometimes touch on more 'adult' issues, but not in the sense that your thinking....dirty, little perverts.  Enough about me.

Tune in next time for more of my ramblings...